The Girl who Turned into a Bed
----------------------------------
It happened that day
she picked up a strange pussy willow.
Her head swelled up white
and a soft as a pillow.
Her skin, which had turned
all flaky and rotten,
was now replaced
with 100% cotton.
Through her organs and torso
she sprouted like wings,
a beautiful set
of matress and springs.
It was so terribly strange
that I started to weep.
But at least after that
I had a nice place to sleep
Toxic Boy's Epitaph
------------------------
As Roy's soul left his body
we all said a silent prayer.
It drifted up to heaven
and left a hole in the ozone layer.
-- Tim Burton
The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Monday, January 24, 2005
Thank you note
I noticed a lot of people were clamouring for my favours through email. While I flatter, fawn and blush under the attention, I present here a common thank you note to all those who care.
A sample letter beseeching my favour:
"Bookmark this page www.budgetstays.com
A single stop shop for India, where you find Hotels, Homestays, Inns,Lodges,Resorts,Tour & Travel operators, Money changers, Jungle lodges,Travel agents etc.
Guests can contact Hosts direct as all contact information is available on the site. "
A Thank you to all such
--------------------------
Thanks a lot for the information. Its due to the kind generosity of people like you that my bookmark section has 684 links. All my wishes have come true by forwarding mails. I now have a large number of best friends.
My mortgage payments are in negative. I recently helped Crown Prince Otenti Bonty of Ougadougou move $5million to American Banks.
I have received $5000 from Microsoft and some free mobile phones from Nokia. My penis is now 18 inches long and my breast size is 48DD. I take viagra with my evening meals and hold 17 University Diplomas.
Sincerely,
GhaatSpaat
A sample letter beseeching my favour:
"Bookmark this page www.budgetstays.com
A single stop shop for India, where you find Hotels, Homestays, Inns,Lodges,Resorts,Tour & Travel operators, Money changers, Jungle lodges,Travel agents etc.
Guests can contact Hosts direct as all contact information is available on the site. "
A Thank you to all such
--------------------------
Thanks a lot for the information. Its due to the kind generosity of people like you that my bookmark section has 684 links. All my wishes have come true by forwarding mails. I now have a large number of best friends.
My mortgage payments are in negative. I recently helped Crown Prince Otenti Bonty of Ougadougou move $5million to American Banks.
I have received $5000 from Microsoft and some free mobile phones from Nokia. My penis is now 18 inches long and my breast size is 48DD. I take viagra with my evening meals and hold 17 University Diplomas.
Sincerely,
GhaatSpaat
Friday, January 21, 2005
Just what
Just what is Gram Panchayat?
The grassroots of Indian democracy. For the people, by the people, under the peepul.
Just what is a Govinda movie?
A wooden roller coaster running off the tracks. Its fast, its noisy, and noone has any idea where its going.
Just what is a Ramsay brother's movie? (Veeraana!)
Guy takes a wrong turn, turns up in an empty house, turns into a bedroom with a girl half-naked on the bed.
Guy turns on, girl turns monster.
The grassroots of Indian democracy. For the people, by the people, under the peepul.
Just what is a Govinda movie?
A wooden roller coaster running off the tracks. Its fast, its noisy, and noone has any idea where its going.
Just what is a Ramsay brother's movie? (Veeraana!)
Guy takes a wrong turn, turns up in an empty house, turns into a bedroom with a girl half-naked on the bed.
Guy turns on, girl turns monster.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Let Tooth Prevail
I, like countless others was moulded into near perfection by the powers-that-be, with a snag ... No teeth.
In childhood I felt it an absolute waste to give my teeth to the cologne bathed orthodontist when the tooth fairy could always exchange it for the toy engine I wanted. But opinions were not wanted or asked for as I was virtually dragged to the plush waiting rooms of the family tooth graveyard. Later in life when I was making enough to get by, a faithful molar decided to pack its bags and be replaced by cheap ceramic.
A car needs regular servicing .. teeth shouldn't. ( Every three months, or 300 meals, whichever first, clove oil and toothbrush change.)
The waiting room was teeming with people as I picked up an outrageously outdated magazine. “Believe me, that was up to date when I came in”, a man next to me remarked. Unnerved, I leafed through the pages while observing people going into the cabin heavy-footed and emerging light-pocketed. I was wondering how much greenery would I have to shell out, when my name was called. Names of all the Hindu gods I knew, flashed through my mind as I invoked them for protection and entered.
“Hello son, after a long time ,eh?” he yapped, trying to update me on the recent political events and his opinions. My ear throbbed with the constant humdrum of his droning voice as he peered into my mouth.
"I dont think your insurance covers this". That made me listen again.
“The plaque has infested the upper molars ... It’ll need the Novcaine shot and the , extraction apparatus please ...... Did you now my son is starting in Cornell this Fall?”, he chatted. I sat up imagining my hard-earneds paying for Medieval Literature 101. “Excuse me, I’ll be back.” ,as I scrambled to the exit ... fortooth! I wasn’t going to pay for his sons education.
The evening was cool as I rounded off the corner and bumped into a the toughest individual I’d ever seen. “Looking for trouble, mayn?”, his heavy voice floated to my eardrums as a brainwave flashed through me.”
“Yeah”, I said. ... “do you know you're so ugly, they'll give you a permanent job at the freak show?”
“Oh yeah...”, he said , raising his fist,
And that's how I got it done for free.
Note: This was something written for a school essay (1995), posted with minor changes(to reduce my embarassment). Reproduced in the honour of a recent root canal.
In childhood I felt it an absolute waste to give my teeth to the cologne bathed orthodontist when the tooth fairy could always exchange it for the toy engine I wanted. But opinions were not wanted or asked for as I was virtually dragged to the plush waiting rooms of the family tooth graveyard. Later in life when I was making enough to get by, a faithful molar decided to pack its bags and be replaced by cheap ceramic.
A car needs regular servicing .. teeth shouldn't. ( Every three months, or 300 meals, whichever first, clove oil and toothbrush change.)
The waiting room was teeming with people as I picked up an outrageously outdated magazine. “Believe me, that was up to date when I came in”, a man next to me remarked. Unnerved, I leafed through the pages while observing people going into the cabin heavy-footed and emerging light-pocketed. I was wondering how much greenery would I have to shell out, when my name was called. Names of all the Hindu gods I knew, flashed through my mind as I invoked them for protection and entered.
“Hello son, after a long time ,eh?” he yapped, trying to update me on the recent political events and his opinions. My ear throbbed with the constant humdrum of his droning voice as he peered into my mouth.
"I dont think your insurance covers this". That made me listen again.
“The plaque has infested the upper molars ... It’ll need the Novcaine shot and the , extraction apparatus please ...... Did you now my son is starting in Cornell this Fall?”, he chatted. I sat up imagining my hard-earneds paying for Medieval Literature 101. “Excuse me, I’ll be back.” ,as I scrambled to the exit ... fortooth! I wasn’t going to pay for his sons education.
The evening was cool as I rounded off the corner and bumped into a the toughest individual I’d ever seen. “Looking for trouble, mayn?”, his heavy voice floated to my eardrums as a brainwave flashed through me.”
“Yeah”, I said. ... “do you know you're so ugly, they'll give you a permanent job at the freak show?”
“Oh yeah...”, he said , raising his fist,
And that's how I got it done for free.
Note: This was something written for a school essay (1995), posted with minor changes(to reduce my embarassment). Reproduced in the honour of a recent root canal.
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