Tuesday, October 06, 2015

Breaking News: Mooli parathas under attack!

An organization called ‘Society Against Mooli’ (SAM) has indicated plans of attacking stalls selling mooli parathas across the country. Mr Jaimin Tubar has identified himself as the ringleader of the grassroots organization.

“I hate mooli and we will agitate to ban sale and consumption of mooli in any form. For too long we have suffered in silence while people around us stuffed themselves with mooli parathas. Mooli ki sabzi is even worse and an insult to my taste and nostrils.We will start with paratha stalls and target subzi mandis next.”
Mr Tubar said he grew up with an uncle who ate mooli ke parathe every day. “It was torture to be next to him because you would never know when he would release another of those noxious farts. Everyone talks about clean air globally. First we demand clean air in the room we are in.”
 
Swami Kusmitananda has declared his support for the movement. “It is clearly written in the scriptures :
‘Mulaka bhakshati naraya, paayashabde durvaata,
maruta pralubhyati parisara, bandhawaha pranashyati’
(Translation : People eating mooli emit a stench so vile, they will not have any friends after a while.)

There are already voices within the organization asking to include turnips and shalgam in the protests. In fact one radical member who asked to remain anonymous said he would like to ban all vegetables except potatoes since he 'hates eating ghass phoos'. Asked about his views on other bans in the country, Mr Tubar says he supports all food bans. “In fact, 'SAM' plans to unite with ‘Beef Haters Organizational Group' (BHOG) and create a joint organization. Then we will truly be ”